I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
