Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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