i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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