i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize