So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Come on in and take your pants off
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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