too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
