From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
