dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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