Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
