hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
