My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
