the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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