What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
