You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
