he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
last night I used snow as a chaser
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
