and you said cock pushups were impossible
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
