cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize