dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
