watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
