i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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