I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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