I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
