Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
