oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
