Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have aggressive nipples.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
