the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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