i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize