i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
