I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
