well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
