No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
