You're completely useless in the revolution.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
