are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
