the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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