yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
