she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize