When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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