You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
