This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
