God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
