this beer tastes like vomit already
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
