is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
