If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
