I wish you could order shots online.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Panties = found
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
