I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
