I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i now understand why vodka
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
