he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
