i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
do nipples grow back?
Randomize