Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
