im about as happy as oj after his trial
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
