you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
