So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
