Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I need a beard to bite.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
