He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize