the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
