Sry I called you an 8
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
