So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
