Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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