Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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