I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
