had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I party with great urgency now.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
