Buhtt sex?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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