i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize