we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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