She is in my trunk
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
