so explain again why im purple
no
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
