I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
