Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
