the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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