I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
