Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
