shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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