the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
