in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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