I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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