I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
