Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
