Do vagina's smell?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
