i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
