Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
