like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize