i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
