he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
