I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
