You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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