We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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