i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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