I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
