so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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