Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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