i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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