Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
