I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
