Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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