Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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