i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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