Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize