yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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