dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
