I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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