the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
