yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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