When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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