Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize