There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
