Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize