Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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