i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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