bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
