Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
