I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
