Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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