erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
