I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
