Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
