waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
