I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
