she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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