I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
