Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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