what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Randomize
