Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
