i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
